Don’t allow negative thinking to stop you
(photo courtesy of Madeira)
NO!
It’s a word that we all hate to hear. In fact we hate it so much that we will usually avoid putting ourselves into a position of having to hear this negative response. The result?
- We don’t ask for a raise.
- We don’t ask the pretty girl for a date.
- We don’t close the sale.
- We don’t ask a possible mentor for his/her help.
- We don’t get what we want.
The Problem of “No”
We are in the habit of taking a negative response (“NO”) personally and therefore, we tend to imagine all the the possible motivations behind the respondent’s answer. For example:
1. We didn’t get the raise, so we immediately begin to imagine all the possible causes:
- The Boss doesn’t like me.
- The Boss is a jerk.
- The Boss thinks that I am inept.
- The Boss doesn’t respect me nor my efforts.
Please notice that I wrote “imagine” all the possible causes. Our minds go to work trying to explain why we did not get what we want. The reality may be, and usually is, far different.
- There may not be any room in the budget for your raise.
- You may not have demonstrated to your boss your worthiness for a raise.
The result of your negative thinking
Because so many people hate to hear “NO”, we don’t ask for what we want. The result is that we don’t get what we want. And it’s all because of “imagined” motivations rather than actual responses.
Please notice that when you ask for something and don’t get it – You are no worse off than you were before you asked.
- If the Boss doesn’t give you the raise, he doesn’t also say, “By the way, we are going to cut your pay”. You still have the same level of compensation as before.
- If the pretty girl does not go out with you, then that doesn’t mean that the next one won’t either.
- If the sales prospect says “No”, then you still have your product to sell to the next customer.
When you ask for something, you have nothing to lose. The key is to not take a negative response personally.
Ways to overcome negative thinking
2. Spot your negative thinking habits
3. Don’t believe everything you think
4. Top 10 ways to think positively
Develop your mental muscle for increased quality of life now and in the future
You are unique and you possess unique traits and abilities. One of those traits is the capacity to learn – right up the the point of death. This is wonderful – if you take advantage and harness your ability to learn. Though your capacity to learn does not diminish, for most, the desire to learn does. The large majority just doesn’t want to make the effort.
The result: instead of reaping the benefits and power of our unique ability (learning capacity), most people are content to have just enough to “get by”. Mediocrity is the rule.
Instead of living up to our potential by focusing our talents where they can do the most good for:
- ourselves – in the form of financial prosperity
- society in general – in the form of influence, wealth creation and economic stimulation
…we are satisfied to languish along side the rest of the herd.
This herd mentality, the desire to be like everybody else, does more to hold us back than anything else. We must realize that if we are to rise to our potential, then we must separate ourselves from the rest of the herd. To fulfill your potential and open the doors to possibility, requires both the desire to be more than you are right now and the conscious effort to learn how to be more. To be the person you are destined to be requires you to:
1. Desire to learn
If you are content, then you will not change. You will not see or feel the need to change. It’s only when discomfort replaces contentment that we consider changing something in our lives. It is when our clothes begin to get a little tighter that we begin to think about losing the slowly added weight. Here’s a thought that should make you very uncomfortable:
“…Every 8 seconds a Baby Boomer turns 50. According to a recent MetLife Foundation survey, Americans over the age of 55 fear Alzheimer’s more than any other disease besides cancer. But researchers no longer accept the notion that memory loss is inevitable. Instead, they urge senior citizens to exercise their minds.” (this is excerpted from Time magazine – Read the entire article)
You must become uncomfortable with the fact that you are not living up to your potential – if you are not. The fact that only a small percentage of our population (3–5%) ever reach financial independence is evidence that everyone cannot be reaching their potential since we live in a world of abundance and the same opportunities are available to everyone. What we don’t realize is that these “successful few” are not blessed with any special abilities. They may have traits that make them different, but their abilities are the same as ours. Read the “Millionaire Mind” by Thomas Stanley.
One thing that does stand out in the successes of our world is that they have a tremendous desire to learn. The successful person understands that learning always results in growth:
- growth of opportunities
- growth of skills
- growth of net worth
In order to grow in your career or in your life, you must learn, otherwise you stagnate. Stagnation stinks – literally.
Does the term “neuroplasticity” mean anything to you? It should. Read Shae Hadden’s post “The Plastic Brain”. It may change your thoughts on life after middle age. You should also consider reading “How Thinking Can Change The Brain” by the Dalai Lama. One quote should be of particular interest to you die-hard “can’t-teach-an-old-dog-new-tricks” advocates:
“The Dalai Lama had put his finger on an emerging revolution in brain research. In the last decade of the 20th century, neuroscientists overthrew the dogma that the adult brain can’t change. To the contrary, its structure and activity can morph in response to experience, an ability called neuroplasticity. The discovery has led to promising new treatments for children with dyslexia and for stroke patients, among others.”
2. Be open-minded
Learning requires the study of new topics and ideas. If you have a “know-it-all” mentality, you will never be able to free your mind to be all it can be. Almost no issue is either black or white. Most issues are shades of gray. It is often our lack of understanding that causes us to act erroneously and irrationally on a given topic. Learn How to Exercise an Open Mind.
It is when we give up stereotypical thinking and absolutism, that we “free” our minds to expand. This inner growth and development leads to an outer growth and expression in our lives. It is because we open ourselves to possibility, that the possibility comes into existence for us.
Opening your mind exposes the opportunities and possibilities. Are these new opportunities? No, they have always existed, but due to “tunnel vision”, you could not see them. How many “narrow minded” people do you know who would be considered financially successful? I think that these terms are mutually exclusive. In order to succeed, you must be progressive in your thinking.
3. Expose yourself
You cannot learn in a vacuum. You must explore and expose yourself to ideas and concepts that are foreign to you.
During my college experience, I had a professor who had a profound impact on my life. He was instrumental in motivating me to become involved in a graduate teaching program which resulted in one of the most satisfying experiences of my life – teaching. I went through an intensive training program and became a qualified (and paid) lab instructor for a variety of the biology courses offered.
This great experience would never have taken place if I had been content to just go to class and “get my credit”. Due to his enthusiasm, passion for teaching and willingness to help, I approached him for advice. This simple step led to a tremendously successful and fulfilling experience for me.
Expose yourself to new possibilities. Take a chance and look at these videos of some of the great tech thinkers of our generation. You don’t have to agree with them, but listen to their input. You learn when you are exposed to new input.
4. Practice thinking
Surround yourself with great thinkers and practice thinking. Trade ideas. Debate and defend your closely held beliefs. Do they stand up to scrutiny and examination?
If you want to be a success, then you must associate with successful people – people who stimulate your thinking.
- Discussing the weather, what you watched on television or which sports team is number one is not mentally stimulating.
- Listening to the constant bitching and moaning of the negative “doom and gloom” nay sayers will not introduce you to new topics of discussion.
- Most people have their minds made up, they are just trying to make sure that you don’t stray to far from the herd.
Move away from these kind of people! Find a mentor or at the very least someone who you consider to be successful and spend some time talking to them. You will discover that their abilities are no different than everyone else’s. However, their attitudes are.
Practice bouncing your ideas off of someone who can and will help you. Don’t waste your time with someone in the herd who just wants to play catch – tossing the same, bland ideas back and forth.
5. Keep a daily journal
Ask yourself, “what did I learn today?” I am not talking about a listing of facts, but a chronicle of the lessons and ideals that you experienced that day. Record what and how you learned these new topics. The act of manually recording your new ideas will imprint the experience on your brain where it will remain.
We have all heard or read the writings and advice of both Mark Twain and Will Rogers. Both of these great writers simply recorded their journey through life and their experiences with the “common man” along the way. The result is that each of these men are considered to be great teachers and philosophers.
Keep a journal. Record your ideas and lessons for the day, then go back over them from time to time. You’ll be amazed.
Successful men and women:
- have a great desire to be more knowledgeable
- are open-minded in their thinking
- constantly expose themselves to new and different ideas
- surround themselves with “possibility” thinkers
- keep a daily journal
If you want to be successful, model success. Do the things that successful people do. It is really that simple.
Credits – blast-off photo used courtesy of NASA
The Good Stuff, The Bad Stuff and Other Stuff
To all the soupornuts.com subscribers, I apologize for my lack of posting for the past week. I hope that after you read this article you will understand why.
The Good Stuff
1. Daddy – Daughter Date Night
My two girls and I attended Daddy – Daughter Date Night sponsored and hosted by a local church this past Sunday night. It was an event that my girls had been looking forward to for weeks.
Yes, this is a picture of me painting the nails of my youngest daughter. I also:
- blow-dry hair
- help brush teeth
- give piggy-back rides
- play dolls, on occasion
- and I also put on corsages, as I am doing for my oldest daughter (on the right)
Because I wanted each of my girls to feel particularly special, I enlisted the help of my father to double-date with us. With his help, each of my girls had someone’s full attention all night.
We all had a wonder time. I’ll never forget it and I hope that my girls don’t either.
Thanks Pop for all your help.
2. The Rotater Continues to Impress
We saw the guys from 1StopForGolf.com in Orlando at the PGA expo. They have been using the Rotater since September and have featured it as their Golf Product of the Month (November 2007). Every time that they came by the booth to see us, we were busy demonstrating the Rotater.
A couple of days ago, I discovered that they had posted “The Rotater Continues to Impress” on their blog.
3. The Birmingham News runs a feature article on the Rotater
About three weeks ago Anna Velasco, a writer from the Birmingham News traveled about 150 miles to meet Scott and myself so that she could interview us about the Rotater. She was especially intrigued as to how an industrial mechanic could have created a shoulder device that is so effective for so many people across so many different markets.
Anna spent a couple of hours asking questions and picking our brains, which resulted in this article: Industrial Mechanic invents tool to improve shoulder mobility, finds niche in athletics.
4. Huge traffic to the Rotater website
Because of the article in the Birmingham News, we received a massive influx of traffic, which translated into huge sales.
The Bad Stuff
1. The Rotater website crashes!
Huge traffic is cool – if you are prepared for it. Apparently, we were not. I am unsure as to who the real blame lies with:
- I could immediately point a finger at our hosting provider
- or perhaps it is because I did not purchase a plan that provides for such a huge traffic inflow
You can be sure that it is a priority for me now that I realize how vulnerable we are.
Fortunately, we were only down about thirty minutes before the system reset itself and traffic was able to resume. However, there is no way to be able to calculate how many people tried and did not get to see our website nor whether they will ever come back.
2. Our blog crashes – down two days!
Our blog, Shoulder Performance & Rehab crashed a short time later. It did not reset itself, so I set out to determine what the problem was.
When I tried to login to my blog, I kept getting the following message:
WordPress database error: [User 'mydomainname' has exceeded the 'max_questions' resource (current value: 50000)]
The wording of this message led me to believe that there had been some kind of problem in my databases. I was wrong. After doing some research, I discovered that our hosting provider sets a limit of 50,000 requests per hour for this particular plan, regardless of your hosting plan’s advertised total bandwidth allowance.
50,000 requests per hour sounds like a lot. In reality, it is not. Every link, image or widget on a page is considered a request. You can easily have one hundred or more requests per page.
The result: 50 people in one hour hit your blog, each viewing ten different pages – your blog goes down. And it does not come back up without contacting technical support – only after you discover it is a hosting issue and not a database issue.
3. Hosting Suggestions?
I have been doing some research in order to find a hosting provider that:
- offers excellent and dependable service
- responsive customer service
- affordable hosting plans
Do any of you guys out there have any suggestions? Please leave a comment and let me know about your experiences.
The Other Stuff
1. No Baby – Yet
My wife is still pregnant. She is due to deliver our baby any day. We can hardly wait.
2. The Rotater goes to Boston
Scott Kay (my business partner) has traveled to Boston to introduce the Rotater to the golfing public for the first time at the National Golf Expo.
3. Special Thanks
I’d like to thank Albert @ Urban Monk for mentioning soupornuts.com in an article he wrote entitled “The beauty of Impermanency and the Illusion of Ego”. Thanks for your endorsement – you carry quite a bit of clout.
Meme: 7 random or weird facts about me
I have been tagged by Island Wench to participate in a meme entitled “Seven random or weird facts about me”. This is very similar to another meme that I participated in some time ago – Seven random things that you may not know about me.
1. My grandparents were sharecroppers.
Consequently, when my father was 17, he convinced his mother to allow him to join the army. He tells me that he joined the
army because he was “tired of looking at the south end of a north-bound mule”.
I guess that I got my work ethic honestly. My parents are both 67 years old and still work twelve hours a day (at least 5 days a week).
2. I became an entrepreneur at the age of twelve.
Just before summer vacation started, when I was in the sixth grade, my father brought home a slightly-used lawn mower and told me that “if I wanted any spending money, then I needed to get busy cutting grass”. He went on to say that everything that I made after paying him $40.00 (the cost of the lawn mower), would be mine.
I would get up early in the morning, tie the lawn mower to my bicycle and drag it everywhere in search of grass to cut. It turned out to be lucrative (at least in my twelve year old mind).
3. I put myself through college by working in a textile factory.
Hard work will not kill you. You are capable of doing a great deal more than you may initially believe you are capable of, if you are highly motivated.
4. The smell of liver can make me puke.
5. My wife and I are expecting our third child, any day.
I can’t wait.
6. I have become a computer geek out of necessity.
I did not log on to the internet or use a computer from 2000 to 2006. I was too busy. However, some friends and I discovered that there was a niche that was being ignored, so we set out to develop an internet business model that would cater to their needs. This project is still developing, but we have recently had an infusion of new talent that looks to be incredibly promising. I hope to announce something about our project later this year.
I also had the opportunity to become involved with the Rotater, which has turned out to be a rehabilitation and athletic phenomenon.
7. One of my goals is to have a vacation home in Hawaii.
My wife and I spent a week in Maui, several years ago. It was beautiful, exotic and paradise.
Now for the rules:
1. Once you are tagged, link back to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Post 7 random or weird facts about yourself on your blog.
4. Tag 7 people and link to them.
5. Comment on their blog to let them know they have been tagged.
Tag – your it!
Holli Jo – Evolving Blueprint
Jeanie Marshall – JMViews Personal Development and Meditation
Karen Lynch – Live the Power
Personal Growth with Corinne Edwards
Robin Skeen – Robin’s Reflections
Leila – Special 2 Me
Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it also creates millionaires
I’d like to take credit for finding the video below, but I can’t. I was reading Michael Werner’s article entitled The Riskiest Thing That You Can Ever Do Is Play-It-Safe and he had a link to this video of Seth Godin, the marketing guru.
If you have never heard of Seth, then it will be worth your time to visit his blog. He is unique and his views will change and/or challenge everything you thought that you knew about the world of marketing (it doesn’t matter if you have a product, a service or a blog – most of his knowledge will apply).
After you appetite has been whetted, I encourage you to visit your local bookstore or your online source and buy some of his books. I have read several of them and plan on doing reviews about them at a later date. They are great, by the way.
The point is – Seth will make you think! Which leads to questions. Which leads to ideas. Which leads to….a greater awareness of your role in everything.
Watch the video.
soupornuts’ reasons to click – #9
This series of articles started out strong, but I seemed to have lost my way. In reality, life is very busy for me right now:
- my wife and I are expecting out third child – any day now
- my two daughters got a pony for Christmas and they want to ride all the time
- the Rotater has become a locomotive barreling down the track – sometimes it’s all I can do to hang on
Excuses, excuses, excuses
Those are only excuses and I’m not big on passing blame. My plan was to become more regular in my posting schedule this year and I would like to post a new article at least every other day – so far, I am a little behind on my agenda.
Reasons to click series
This series of posts that featured great stuff (articles, posts, sites, etc. that I liked) was shaping up to be very popular. Many readers wrote and told me how much they enjoyed the info, so I am resuming it today.
1. Awaken the Giant Procratinator Within!
Al has written an enlightening article endorsing the idea that procrastination is not always a “bad” thing. When used correctly, it can even increase your creativity and productivity.
2. How I Created a Legal Business Entity for only $125 and WITHOUT a Lawyer
Stephen Hopson writes about the things that he knows – his life. This is good information for anyone who is considering starting a new business or considering thinking of a changing their current business organization model.
If you have been the victim of a ripoff, either online or off-line, now you have someone to share your story with. You can also read about other schemes and scams that are happening everyday. Be alert – read the Ripoff Report.
A wealth of video how-to’s to help you do everything you can imagine and some that you can’t.
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