What happened to great (or even good) customer service?

• I’m tired of getting my order screwed-up whenever I go through a drive-thru lane
• I’m tired of dealing with any customer service representative who cannot (or will not) take the time to smile at me
• I’m tired of waiting for the “bug” guy or the “cable” guy or anyone else who doesn’t understand how an appointment system works
• I’m tired of these same people (who abuse their appointment system) and their apparent refusal to use a telephone to alert me to their inability to live up to their commitments.

(photo courtesy of Finsec)

Two phrases that I have used within the past couple of months with great results

Within the past couple of months, I have been faced with two serious customer service situations. The first involved poor customer service that had a direct and huge impact on my business. The second situation was personal and involved my mother’s health and well-being.

1. “That’s Not Acceptable”

Back in February, The Birmingham News ran an article ( Industrial Mechanic invents tool to improve shoulder mobility, finds niche in athletics ) about the Rotater. This article resulted in a huge traffic spike to our website which caused it to crash. I wrote about it in an article entitled “The Good Stuff, The Bad Stuff and The Other Stuff”.

A couple of weeks later, this same article was picked up on the newswire and ran in the Ann Arbor Press under the title of “A Shoulder To Lean On”. Great traffic, lot’s or orders, our website crashes again.

(photo courtesy of dboy)

After the initial crash I spent a couple of days researching the source of the problem. I was getting a WordPress error message whenever I (on anyone else) tried to access Shoulder Performance & Rehab.

Thanks to the great people who take the time to post about situations like this one, I discovered that the hosting service that I was using at that time had a built-in traffic regulator that had tripped due to our large traffic increases.

I called customer service, waited for about an hour and finally spoke with someone who understood that problem. He quickly corrected the problem, but didn’t spend any time informing me about future crashes and what to do.

Shoulder Performance & Rehab Crashes Again

When the article ran again in the Ann Arbor Press, our blog crashed again. No problem I thought ( I was naive ) – I’ll just call customer service again.

This time, when my call was answered (after a hour), I quickly explained the situation thinking that the problem would be quickly remedied. I was wrong. The person who answered the customer service phone was not a customer service rep, but “screener”. She told me that she would take my message and have a “customer service rep” or technician call me in 2 – 4 hours.

Living Personal Growth and Development

In the past, her response would have spurred a tirade of anger from me and would have resulted in me slamming the phone in disgust, but thankfully, I really try to live the stuff that I write about.

I told the “screener” that her answer “was not acceptable”. I think that she was shocked because the phone was silent for several seconds ( you must be willing to wait them out). She tried again to tell me that there was nothing that she could do and I simply responded with “that’s not acceptable”. Again, several seconds of silence – but I waited too.

Wait ‘em out!

Finally (I think it was due to her inability to get rid of me) she called her supervisor. He came on the phone and took care of the problem and explained to me that if my site crashed again then they had the right to cancel my service. I quickly changed my hosting service provider from IPOWERWEB to HOSTGATOR. (I’ve had no problems with HOSTGATOR to date, am very happy with the service and my site seems faster!)

If you are having problems with poor customer service, then I encourage you to use the “that’s not acceptable” response any time that the person that you’re dealing with tries to do something other than your request or provide a reasonable alternative. You must be:

• willing to wait silently while they “digest” your response
• willing to repeat this phrase, because they will attempt to tell you that there is nothing else that they can do
• willing to ask to speak with someone else
• willing to stay completely calm during the whole situation

This phrase has worked for me and it will work for you.

2. “We Are Not Happy”

Last Tuesday (April 29^th), I received a phone call at about midnight telling me that my mother was in the emergency room with severe abdominal pains. I rushed to the hospital and waited with her, my father and my sister for several hours. The emergency room was not busy.

Initial diagnosis

When a physician finally examined my mother, we were told that it appeared to be appendicitis, but they would have to run a CT scan for confirmation. This required my mother to drink some hideous dye solution and the wait three hours for it to make its way down to her intestines.

After the CT scan, we were told that she did not have appendicitis. It “appeared” that she had diverticulitis. The physician said my mother could go home or she could be admitted to the hospital. Either way, she would be treated with antibiotics and high-powered narcotics for the intense pain.

Into the hospital

My mother chose to be admitted to the hospital, which surprised everyone. My mother has the highest pain tolerance of any person that I know. She once took care of my grandmother (following my grandmother’s open heart surgery) for two weeks with a completely separated shoulder. My mother had fallen in the parking lot on the morning of my grandmother’s surgery.

I had the same injury from a skiing accident and I cried like a “little girl” every time I moved.

Too much pain

My mother chose to stay in the hospital because she could not tolerate the pain. We were told that within a couple of days, there should be some improvement. There was no improvement and seemingly no alternative plan.

By Friday, I was livid. The physician was evasive and appeared unwilling to do anything else. My mother’s pain was worse and she was asking for more pain medication every 12 hours.

We are not happy!

Friday afternoon, I had to leave the hospital, but I told my father to speak with the physician and find out what is going on. My father did not feel comfortable “questioning” the doctor’s diagnosis, but I had no problems with it, so I wrote the following on the whiteboad that is mounted on the wall:

1. We Are Not Happy!
2. What is the diagnosis?
3. What tests are scheduled to confirm this diagnosis? why or why not?
4. What are our treatment options?
5. Why is my mother in so much pain?

The physician is indignant

I called my father later that night and was told that the physician had come in during rounds and found my note. He became quite angry but scheduled another CT scan for Saturday morning. Thank God.

The second CT scan found that my mother’s small intestine was obstructed. A surgeon quickly came to see my family and explained that they would try to relieve the pressure on her intestine by pumping my mother’s stomach and lower intestine. If this didn’t work, then she would have to have emergency surgery.

It didn’t work and my mother had emergency surgery on Sunday. The surgeon had to remove about 3 – 4 inches of my mother’s small intestine. The change has been dramatic.

Although she has an eight inch wound, her abdominal pain is gone (except for the new scar).

Don’t be afraid to challenge authority

(photo courtesy of Citizen Mira)

It seems to me that people are willing to accept anything that a person in authority says as gospel. This seems especially true of physicians, clergymen and lawyers. Hey, they are people just like you and I. They overlook things and they make mistakes. Ask for explanations and clarifications.

If someone is being vague, then there is a reason. Call them on it. Your life may depend on it.

Tags: customer+service, web+host+provider, the+Rotater, righteous+indignation

• Can you walk?
• Can you talk?
• Can you see and hear?
• Did you sleep in a bed last night?
• Are you hungry?
• Do you have a job?

(photo by PJFurlong06)

We all have so much to be thankful for. Perhaps it is because of this that we tend to focus on what we don’t have. It’s really just a matter of perspective. If you live in America and are living at poverty level, then you are still better off than 90% of the rest of the people in the world.

• America is the great land of opportunity. If you live here, then you are limited only by the limitations that you place on yourself.
• Statistically, a person who immigrates to the U.S. is four times more likely to become a millionaire than a native born American.
• Why? They see what is possible and realize that the only things that stand in their way can be overcome with hard work, time, dedication and focus. They see opportunity – not the lack of it.

You really have to work hard to feel sorry for yourself when you put things into perspective.

2. Don’t take yourself to seriously – No one else does

We all spend a lot of time wondering what other people are thinking and saying about us. The answer is simple – how much time do you spend thinking about other people? If my guess is correct, then it is quite a bit less than we are willing to admit.

(photo by Jimmy Joe)

We all like to think that people are listening to what we have to say and that they care about what we think. They are really just waiting for us to shut up so that they can have their turn to talk.

It is only when we focus our attention on “the other” person that people begin to appreciate us. People don’t really care what we think until they know that we care. By taking the time to listen we demonstrate that we value the other person.

• We want to hear what they think
• We are open to their ideas
• We want to help them

3. Keep your promises

Keeping your word will eliminate most of the guilt that you feel and lighten the load of stress.

(photo by discoodini)

• If you can’t fulfill an obligation then inform the person to whom you have made a commitment to as soon as possible. This will give them the chance to find an alternative and demonstrate your integrity. If you put it off, then you limit the options of the other person and put yourself in an even worse position.
• Don’t make promises that you know you can’t keep. Don’t promise the moon if you know that you can’t deliver it. You’ll lose credibility. People will lose respect for you and you won’t be taken seriously. It’s not worth it.
• Promises to you children (and spouse) count the same as a promise to a customer or colleague. Even though they’ll overlook your shortcomings in this area (for a while), it will eventually affect the long-term health of your relationship. It’s kind of difficult to tell a teen that you are interested in their life and problems when you haven’t been spending time with them.
• Apologies get old and no one takes them seriously if they are said too often. Keep your promises and you’ll have fewer apologies to make.

4. If you have a dream – then you owe it to yourself to pursue it

(photo by @n@bou)

Don’t blame others for your inability to do what you want to do. If you want it badly enough, then you will find a way to make it happen. Often the problem is that that there is “no easy” way to do what we want. There seldom is.

• Realizing a dream does not happen without effort – your effort.
• Show your passion – it shows that you are serious and lights a fire under others as well.
• Move confidently in the direction of your dream every day. Small steps add up. Do something every single day that contributes to the achievement of your goal.
• Ask for help. Others want to help and will help. Don’t be too proud – besides, sharing an accomplishment makes the accomplishment mean that much more.

Tags: promises, integrity, dreams, goals, blessings

The Good Stuff

1. Daddy – Daughter Date Night

My two girls and I attended Daddy – Daughter Date Night sponsored and hosted by a local church this past Sunday night. It was an event that my girls had been looking forward to for weeks.

Yes, this is a picture of me painting the nails of my youngest daughter. I also:

• blow-dry hair
• help brush teeth
• give piggy-back rides
• play dolls, on occasion
• and I also put on corsages, as I am doing for my oldest daughter (on the right)

Because I wanted each of my girls to feel particularly special, I enlisted the help of my father to double-date with us. With his help, each of my girls had someone’s full attention all night.

We all had a wonder time. I’ll never forget it and I hope that my girls don’t either.

Thanks Pop for all your help.

2. The Rotater Continues to Impress

We saw the guys from 1StopForGolf.com in Orlando at the PGA expo. They have been using the Rotater since September and have featured it as their Golf Product of the Month (November 2007). Every time that they came by the booth to see us, we were busy demonstrating the Rotater.

A couple of days ago, I discovered that they had posted “The Rotater Continues to Impress” on their blog.

3. The Birmingham News runs a feature article on the Rotater

About three weeks ago Anna Velasco, a writer from the Birmingham News traveled about 150 miles to meet Scott and myself so that she could interview us about the Rotater. She was especially intrigued as to how an industrial mechanic could have created a shoulder device that is so effective for so many people across so many different markets.

Anna spent a couple of hours asking questions and picking our brains, which resulted in this article: Industrial Mechanic invents tool to improve shoulder mobility, finds niche in athletics.

4. Huge traffic to the Rotater website

Because of the article in the Birmingham News, we received a massive influx of traffic, which translated into huge sales.

The Bad Stuff

1. The Rotater website crashes!

Huge traffic is cool – if you are prepared for it. Apparently, we were not. I am unsure as to who the real blame lies with:

• I could immediately point a finger at our hosting provider
• or perhaps it is because I did not purchase a plan that provides for such a huge traffic inflow

You can be sure that it is a priority for me now that I realize how vulnerable we are.

Fortunately, we were only down about thirty minutes before the system reset itself and traffic was able to resume. However, there is no way to be able to calculate how many people tried and did not get to see our website nor whether they will ever come back.

2. Our blog crashes – down two days!

Our blog, Shoulder Performance & Rehab crashed a short time later. It did not reset itself, so I set out to determine what the problem was.

When I tried to login to my blog, I kept getting the following message:

WordPress database error: [User 'mydomainname' has exceeded the 'max_questions' resource (current value: 50000)]

The wording of this message led me to believe that there had been some kind of problem in my databases. I was wrong. After doing some research, I discovered that our hosting provider sets a limit of 50,000 requests per hour for this particular plan, regardless of your hosting plan’s advertised total bandwidth allowance.

50,000 requests per hour sounds like a lot. In reality, it is not. Every link, image or widget on a page is considered a request. You can easily have one hundred or more requests per page.

The result: 50 people in one hour hit your blog, each viewing ten different pages – your blog goes down. And it does not come back up without contacting technical support – only after you discover it is a hosting issue and not a database issue.

3. Hosting Suggestions?

I have been doing some research in order to find a hosting provider that:

• offers excellent and dependable service
• responsive customer service
• affordable hosting plans

Do any of you guys out there have any suggestions? Please leave a comment and let me know about your experiences.

The Other Stuff

1. No Baby – Yet

My wife is still pregnant. She is due to deliver our baby any day. We can hardly wait.

2. The Rotater goes to Boston

Scott Kay (my business partner) has traveled to Boston to introduce the Rotater to the golfing public for the first time at the National Golf Expo.

3.  Special Thanks

I’d like to thank Albert @ Urban Monk for mentioning soupornuts.com in an article he wrote entitled “The beauty of Impermanency and the Illusion of Ego”.  Thanks for your endorsement – you carry quite a bit of clout.

Tags: the+Rotater, daughters, hosting+plans, golf

As the role models that have will have the most influence on our children’s lives, we have the responsibility to teach the concept of sharing by being a living example.

1. Share your love

You cannot over-do this. No matter how much you give, you can always give more.

• Teach your children how to express their love.
• Show your children how much you love them. Here’s a hint – you are not demonstrating their importance to you when you can’t find the time to spend with them.
• Constantly tell your children that you love them and that they are important to you.
• Be involved in their lives – who are their friends? what are your children’s dreams? how are they planning on achieving their dreams? what is your role and involvement in their future?
• Be affectionate with your spouse/partner – this shows your children that they are in a loving and therefore safe family environment and goes a long way to establishing their self esteem.

2. Share your time

When you say that you love someone, you are telling them verbally that they are important to you. You spend time enjoying/doing the things that you believe are important. What you do says so much more that what you say.

• Read to your children – if you begin this when they are newborns, your child will have a huge head start in their education. Statistics have shown that children who are read to do better in school than their contemporaries who were not read to.
• Play with your children – they grow way too fast so give them every reason to want to spend time with you as they mature and become adults.

3. Share your experience

You have faced some unique experiences, but the principles that they teach are universal. Mentor someone. Simply making yourself available to a young person can result in a wide range of questions about your life and experiences.

• Explain your successes and failures – What were your good decisions?
• What would you do differently? – Where did you miss an opportunity? Why did you miss an opportunity?
• Do you know someone who would be valuable for this person?
• Share the secrets of your success – What did you do that was unique and played a role in your success?

4. Share your dreams

People like to know what inspires and motivates you.

• Why did you do this or that?
• Were you scared? excited? hesitant?
• What do you visualize?
• Why are you so confident?

5. Share your ideas

This is hard for the majority of people because they refuse to believe that we live in a world of abundance. They think that everything is a “zero sum” game, meaning that in order for them to win then someone else must lose. This is a fallacy. There is plenty for everyone.

• You will have more ideas than you can ever hope to exploit – tell someone what they are, maybe they can start on one of them now. Besides that, you have just endeared yourself to someone and created the need for them to reciprocate. They will do their best to repay you, somehow.
• Be a part of a “master mind”. This is a group of like-minded people who meet for the purpose of growing. The individuals that make up this group can be as varied as you like, but they must share a similar need to succeed. Share your ideas with them and watch how they morph into “great” dreams.

Sharing is not about letting someone use your stuff. It’s about being involved in the lives of others – developing relationships, partnerships and friendships. Share your life.

Tags: share, sharing, love, ideas

The Think Different Challenge was started by Peter at I will change your life . com. Peter’s premise, though simple is very profound. Choose something in your life that you are currently viewing as a negative situation and re-frame your perspective so that this negative situation becomes a positive opportunity.

The Think Different Rules

1. Write a new blog post in which you “think different”. Follow my suggestions above, or be a bit different and interpret the challenge the way you want.
2. State that the post is a part of the Think Different Challenge and include a link and/ or trackback to this post so that readers know the rules of the challenge. Feel free to use the above banner (inspired, of course, by Seth Godin).
3. Include a link and/ or trackback to the blogger who tagged you.
4. At the end of your post, go ahead and tag some fellow bloggers. Don’t forget to email them to let them know they have been tagged.
5. That’s it! Just sit back and enjoy reading peoples’ responses to the challenge.

My Think Different Situation

I am a morning person. I love the mornings. Most of the time, I’m up by 4:00 a.m. and hit the ground wide open. I’m loud, excited and as my wife says, “obnoxious”. Only in the mornings, of course.

My wife on the other hand is not a morning person. She wakes up in stages – if she must get up. She does not wake up immediately, it’s more like waking up a little at a time.

• Stage 1: Hit the snooze button at least two times, but preferably multiple times.
• Stage 2: Change from a horizontal position of inactivity to a vertical position of inactivity – in other words get out of bed and sit down to rest.
• Stage 3: Frown at anyone who speaks to you and no matter how quietly they speak, complain that it is too loud.
• Stage 4: Go to the bathroom a start the shower. Don’ t get in – just start the water.
• Stage 5: Sit down to rest.
• Stage 6: Get into the shower and stay there for at least ten minutes
• Stage 7: Get out of the shower, functionally awake but looking at the bed longingly every time you pass it.
• Stage 8: Eat some breakfast and begin to interact with others.

Until just recently I have believed that my wife’s actions were a matter of choice. I believed that she just enjoyed being grumpy, ill and slow. Not anymore.

I have two daughters. The youngest wakes up just like me. Okay, mostly like me, but my oldest daughter is exactly like my wife. She is not, in any way shape or form, a morning person and regardless of my attempts to helping her rise in a good mood, she would rather just wake up at her speed.

My revelation? Maybe the way we wake up in the morning is hardwired into our DNA. Sometimes people don’t want to be excited, encouraged or in a good mood. They just want you to be there – sharing life with them.

I’m still “raring to go” in the mornings, but my youngest daughter and I try to keep it between us.

I Tag

I’d like to tag Daylle Deanna Schwartz of Lessons from a Recovering Doormat.

The Pink Rotater

The “Pink Rotater” became a reality this week. Though there are still some updates that need to be made to the logistics of handling orders as well as some cosmetic changes that are being worked out on the Rotater web site, we are excited to have reached this stage.

I visited with several physical therapists yesterday, all of whom expressed praise for their experiences with the Rotater.

The Rotater – “New Golf Product of the Month”

I received an email from Derek Highley late Thursday with a link to a newsletter that he publishes. When I clicked on the link, I was thrilled to discover that the Rotater had been chosen as the “New Golf Product of the Month” in a monthly newsletter put out by 1stopforgolf.com.

Words cannot begin to express the pride and encouragement that I feel right now. Thank you all for your support.

Tags: Think+Different, The+Pink+Rotater, 1+stop+for+golf

Questions and answers

We went to a couple of retailers who specialize in the camera trade and began to ask questions. Much to our surprise, we found the best, most knowledgeable, most helpful and friendliest representatives at Best Buy. We were so impressed with the two representatives that helped us that after we had completed our purchase, I asked to see the store manager.

I approached the store manager, introduced myself and told him how happy we were with the individuals who had assisted us in our purchasing decision. The manager thanked me, encouraged me to go online and fill out a survey and to note the names of the representatives on a submission form and then he took out his personal business card and told me to present it the next time I was in the store for a ten percent discount on any purchase.

Wow! That was not what I expected or wanted, but it made an impression with me.

Let’s eat

After leaving Best Buy, we headed over to Outback because that’s where my wife wanted to eat. The parking lot was full and people were milling around the front doors. I knew immediately we were in for a wait, I just didn’t have any idea how long it would be. I approached the matre’d and he informed me that the approximate waiting time for a table would be 70 -80 minutes. My wife noticed that there were a couple of empty tables in the bar area and we asked the matre’d about them. He said they were available on a “first come, first serve” basis. After a quick consult, we headed to one of the tables.

There was an empty beer bottle and a wet rag on the table. I quickly wiped the table down and put both the bottle and rag near the edge of the table. A few minutes later, a very harried waitress showed up and began apologizing for the dirty table and her tardiness. I said, “Stop, for just a minute.” She looked at me questioningly and I said, “we all want to wish you a happy Mother’s Day.” Her eyes lit up, her face beamed and she literally gushed appreciation.

Our service and food was excellent

To make a long story shorter, our food was excellent. Our service was quick and our waitress was very attentive. As if all this was not enough, while my wife and daughters were gone to the restroom and as I waited for our check, our waitress returned with a big bowl of ice cream, chocolate syrup, whip cream and a cherry. Gratis. Free. On the house.

I realize that desert did not represent a huge outlay to Outback, but the smiles of delight on the faces of my daughters were priceless. And to think that it all hinged on taking the time to genuinely say a few words of kindness.

Both of these instances illustrate that people appreciate being appreciated. It was a great opportunity to teach my children the power of a kind word.

When I was in college, I can remember my roommate always waiting to the last minute to write his term papers. He would work on it for most of the night and then just as exhaustion was about to overtake him, he would sigh, “That’s good enough”.

“Good enough” seldom is

There are several problems with this approach to rating our efforts.

• The most obvious is that “good enough” seldom is good enough. It is not our best effort and when pressed to judge our own work, we will not say that it is a superlative attempt. The truth be known, we did just enough to satisfy the qualifications for the job. We are not proud of our effort.
• This “good enough” ideology is quickly permeating the American economy. Fewer and fewer people seem to take pride in their job and work. Everyone wants to “do their eight and hit the gate”. Phrases like, “that’s not my job”, “let the next shift worry about it”, “that’s the way it’s always been done”, and others are common. At one time, America had the greatest workforce on the planet. Do you still think that is the case?
• “Good enough” is the mantra of mediocrity. We have lowered the bar so low that “good enough” requires very little effort on our parts. Standardized tests that high school seniors are required to pass in order to graduate from high school are a joke. Our children are falling behind the rest of the world in science, technology and math because their work is “good enough” to graduate, but not good enough to excel at the world class level. Who do you think that they got their “good enough” work ethic from? Apples don’t fall far from the tree.

My 50/50 rule

My hobby is building custom cabinets and furniture. Very nice, well crafted and highly valued pieces. I use mortise and tenon and dovetail joints to join my pieces together. The pieces will be together when my grandchildren are able to use them.

From the time that I create my design, until I have finished the building stage, will consume about 50% of my time. All that remains is applying the finish. In order to have a finish that equals the degree of craftsmanship that I dedicated to the building phase will require me to invest an equivalent amount of time in the finishing phase of the project.

In other words, I can build a great piece of furniture and then spend very little time preparing the piece for finishing and then rushing through the application of the finish, which will result in a very average looking piece of furniture. This is not what I want for my descendents. I want something that will last and be beautiful for many generations. “Good enough” is not an option.

“Good enough” will not lead to greatness

I think that we have a responsibility to show our children what greatness is. From our attitudes to our work ethic. If we expect this country to remain a strong, world leader, then it is up to us to lead the way. Embrace the greatness within you. Do everything as if your children are watching, because they are. If “good enough” is good enough for you, then it will be good enough for them.

Tags: greatness, good+enough, complacence

• too little
• too big
• too slow
• too shy
• not good in (please insert the trait you have heard most often in your life)
• never going to amount to anything
• a failure
• holding me back

These thoughts and many more are impressed upon our defenseless but highly receptive minds from an early age by otherwise loving and influential people, namely – parents, siblings, teachers, coaches, organization leaders, members of the clergy and others.

Programming damages

This programming results in an inestimable reduction in the effectiveness of our lives because often we never even attempt things that may contradict what we’ve been told directly or what we’ve heard indirectly.

• If you are so slow, then why go out for sports?
• If you aren’t strong in math, then why attempt to major in engineering?

It’s a huge lie

The sad part of this situation is that most of this programming is a lie. However, because we’ve heard it so often and from such a very young age, that we assume that it must be true. Therefore, this limiting propaganda becomes true for us because we believe it to be true.

Remedies

1. Challenge your long-held beliefs about yourself.

Do these limiting beliefs stand up to intense scrutiny? Are there any instances in your lifetime when you have proved them to be wrong?

I have a friend who was supposed to be just “another athletically talented jock”. He began to be recruited by colleges for an athletic scholarship so it was decided that he should take the SAT. He had not been expected to do well in school and did nothing beyond the average, scholastically. To everyone’s amazement (as well as his own) he scored a perfect 800 on the math part of his SAT’s!

I did not know him then, but I can’t imagine how anyone could have missed his brilliance and creativity.

If you have ever done anything to prove any of your programming about yourself to be wrong – even if it is only one time, then those beliefs are misconceptions and they no longer have the power to diminish your capabilities.

2. Approach those people who have tagged you with your self-limiting beliefs.

Ask your parents, coaches or relatives what motivated them to label you with whatever misconception it is that is holding you back. You may be surprised by how ridiculous the answers are.

3. Examine yourself.

Listen to your inner voice. Use your natural curiosity to examine your beliefs about yourself. What do you really believe about yourself? Are you really shy or is that just what you’ve heard all your life?

Often we feel an unnatural conflict that results from how we feel about ourselves and what we’ve been taught. Listen to yourself.

4. Educate yourself.

This article is a start, but do some more research. Find out how the teachings that are impressed (over & over) on you from a very early age can affect the rest of your life. Armed with an understanding of the issue, you will be motivated to throw off the useless dead weight of falsely held beliefs that have been hindering your true self.

5. Motivate yourself.

Motivation is like a fire – you’ve go to keep pouring the fuel to the fire to keep it roaring. Hopefully, I’ve stirred a passion within you, that on an instinctive level knows that you are capable of great things. Give your instincts a little free-rein and see where it takes you.

Tags: inner+programming, inner+beliefs, self+limiting+beliefs

As a child you believed that you could be or do anything when “you grew up”, so you pretended to do and be what you wanted. No one pretended to be a factory worker, secretary, accountant or garbage man. Not that there is anything wrong with any of these occupations. My point is that at some point along the way our creativity was stifled and conformity was espoused.

I had the opportunity to witness the beginning of the destruction of a child’s creative nature yesterday. My family and I were in a maternity store (my wife is expecting our third) and toward the back, they had a small Lego table set up. You remember – you could build anything with Legos.

Anyway, my wife and girls went into the dressing room to try on some clothes and I was watching four kids, ranging in age from 3 to 9, play at the table. Soon, the father ( I assume ) came back to check on them. The oldest, a boy, said, “Look Dad” and pointed to his creation. To which the father replied, “What is it?” The son said, “I don’t know” and the father smirked, “That’s what I thought”, and then walked off.

I was shocked to say the least and felt bad for the boy. What an ass that father was! Children need and want our endorsement and approval. They thirst for it. If we don’t show them our attention and acceptance when they are creating these “small wonders”, then later they are going to create large disasters in order to at least get our attention.

Help you children develop and nurture their creativity by:

• paying attention to them now – one day instead of “look at me daddy” it’s going to be “can I borrow the car.”
• encourage them – provide books, games and activities that encourage mind development.
• participate with their development – it shows that you care and that you believe in them.
• don’t bitch and moan when they make a mess – take note of their project and then explain cleaning up.

Is your child going to be the next great artist, designer, inventor, web designer or will he/she be shackled to a minimum wage existence. You have more control than you realize.

• the first sounds
• the first time you change the diapers
• the first time she speaks clearly
• her first steps
• her first day at school

When the second one comes along, some of those unique pleasures get pushed aside. Case in point: My oldest daughter is six and I have been asking her from the time she could talk, “What are you going to be when you grow up?” There have been myriad answers. From “a doctor” to a “dog walker” and everything in between.

Recently, I realized that I had never asked my younger daughter who is approaching four, what she wants to be when she grows up. But, I was able to remedy this situation recently. I dropped my older daughter off at school and on the way home asked my younger daughter, “what do you want to be when you grow up”? With only a moments hesitation, she replied, “a vegenarian”.

I said, “Don’t you mean a veterinarian”? She told me “no, a vegenarian”, but gave me no explanation and I left it at that until today. We had a little quiet time – just the two of us and I asked her if she still wanted to be a vegenarian. She quickly told me, “no, I’m going to be a country music girl.”

I’m not quite sure what a “country music girl is”. Maybe a female country music singer? I received no further explanation, but I really didn’t want one. It was just nice to share a daddy -daughter moment. Soon she’ll be to busy to tell me:

• what she’s going to be
• where she’s going
• who she’s hanging out with

And then, all that I’ll have are these little memories.No, it really doesn’t matter what she wants to be – as long as she wants to be with Daddy.

Tags: daughters, family